so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
