peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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