Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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