considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
