He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
