you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
