I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just sent this text using only my big toe
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
