Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
