I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
