got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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