foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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