worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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