someone threw a dead crab at me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
