he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
