Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
