OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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