I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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