do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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