Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
