There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
