The maid of honor just puked.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize