Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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