I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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