Welp...herpes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
