Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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