I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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