I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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