i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
