My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
