I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
