I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
