i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
