Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
