Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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