Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
