i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize