Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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