She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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