I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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