I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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