youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
