girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
