Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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