great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize