some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
