you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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