whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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