I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize