Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
