i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
