I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
