What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
