We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
cat food counts as protein by the way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
