I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
