So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
