he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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