I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
