That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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