I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
