As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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