He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
