She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
