What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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