hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
