I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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