The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
