My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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