I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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