we have pet lesbian snakes
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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