i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think a kid would responsible me up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
