I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize