honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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