need another drink. this is the easiest way
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Terrible idea I love it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
