the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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