hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize