Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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