Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
