someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
