she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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