im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
