I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
