I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
