please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
