i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
