Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
