we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
