planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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