Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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