Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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