Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
