We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's shark week go big or go home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
