I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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