Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
