Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
