I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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