he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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