This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just cut my nipple shaving
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
