isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
