Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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