Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
