Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize