Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
