you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
