dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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