32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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