I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Houston, we have a squirter
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
