I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
