My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
