I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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