Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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