Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
