Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
