If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
