My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
