Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
