i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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